You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
