It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
