Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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