So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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