i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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