I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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