I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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