omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
