you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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