You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
