great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
