Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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