Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
