she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
