Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
