like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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