Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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