everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
