The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
