Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
