Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
