Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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