There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
