I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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