i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
