I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
