I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
