His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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