ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
