It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just want to make out with him forever
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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