plz talk dirty to me
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
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