When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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