dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
