I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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