sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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