Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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