Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
