I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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