the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
