she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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