You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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