i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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