Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
