OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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