I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
