So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
