so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
