went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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