i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
