The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think I just shit out all my problems.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
