I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
