Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
