By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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