also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
