I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
